My View on the “Boomerang” Child

I moved out of my house when I was 18 into residence at Red Deer College, because I was going to school. Not making any money my parents help me out a lot. They pay my rent, schooling, and food. During the summer I moved back home to work. I did not pay rent or food. My mom made my lunch, supper and did my laundry. Now you maybe thinking “boy she is spoiled”, but my parents are willing and able to do this, because I am going to school. If my parents came to me and said “Kate, we cannot financially do that anymore”. I would understand and would have to take out loans, but my parents do not want me to take out loans if I do not have to, so they are helping me out. On the other hand I do not have everything handed to me. I cannot afford a car, so I do not have one. I also cannot afford a fancy I-phone or blackberry so I do not have those things that I can live without, but the necessities that I cannot survive without, like food and shelter my parents help provide for me. At this point in society it is hard to be independent and “make it on your own”. When my parents were my age it was easier for them to get a good job right out of high school. My generation cannot do that anymore. We need an education. When I have children I think I would help them as much as I can just as my parents have. If they work hard and are going to school then I will try to support them. I think every parent wants the best for their children, so if they can financially do that then why not? If their children do not have to work the low-income jobs or the job that is not related to what they want to do then why should they? If there parents are willing to support them, so they can reach their dreams and be more financially stable then why shouldn’t they? On the other hand parents need to teach their children responsibility, so I think there can be a fine line between helping your child become successful versus spoiling your child and not teaching them responsibility. I think a parent can help their adult children out, but without spoiling them and coddling them.          

My parents and I.

They love me and take care of me.

They would do anything for me, but they also taught me responsibility. 

I may become the "boomerang" child, but it is nice to know that I can always go home if something happens. 

Generation Boomerang

In class today we watched a documentary called “Generation Boomerang” it was about how many young adults are staying at home longer. “In Canada 51% of adults ages 20-29 are still living at home”. In my family sociology class there is a section in the text book Changing Families that discusses why children are staying home longer than before and it states similar facts that the documentary stated.

It stated that young adults stay home longer because:

1.      They stay in the educational system longer and this is costly

2.      Low-paying jobs force them to stay with parents longer for financial reasons

3.      Higher rent is not affordable for lower in-comes

This is similar to what the documentary stated, but also that parents may not push their children very much to leave “the nest”. Parents are rising this generation to meet own needs rather than helping their aging parents. Before once children were old enough if they needed to they would help their parents, but now parents are still taking care of their adult children. This is transition reversals where the child that left but then returns home because of unemployment or other financial problems or a relationship has ended, which was all seen in the documentary. Before the term “adolescent” did not exist, but now it does because that age group now goes to high school, whereas before they worked at that age. Now the term “emerging adulthood” exists, because young adults go to secondary education now. It is another phase of life now. Christina Newberry wrote the book The Hands on Guide to Surviving Adult Children living at Home. She returned home twice and wrote a book and has a website that gives tips and advance on what to do and how to survive when your adult child moves back home. Here is the link to her website: http://www.adultchildrenlivingathome.com/.  

Ambert, A (2006) Changing Families. Toronto, ON: Pearson Canada.

Child Soldiers

In class we watched an interview on Ishmael Beah. He was a child soldier. What he described was horrifying and shocking. I think no child should have to go through this. I cannot believe that there is 300, 000 child soldiers today. I think Canadian children, parents, students, teachers, and citizens should be aware about this situation and it is going on right now. I did not know about child soldiers before I watched this video, so we need to let people know that this is happening in the world today. Being a soldier at any age can be terrifying. Going to war and killing another person is disturbing at any age. Combatants in Canada can suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder and they are adults, not children, they are 18 years old or older. I could not image how children could deal with the impacted of going in a war situation and having to kill people. How are they supposed to handle that emotionally when some adults have trouble with that concept? Children do not handle difficult situations as well as adults generally, so being in a war situation would be awful for young children! This link: http://www.peacedirect.org/bring-the-children-back/ is a site that talks about a peacebuilder Henri Ladyi who tries to liberate child soldiers. The site has a documentary on it focusing on the release of several dozen young soldiers, and follows Henri as he travels deep into the bush to meet with hardened rebel leaders. The site also gives information on how people can donate and help Henri Ladyi bring child soldiers home.

These are two pictures of young child soldiers. This is devastating to me to see these young child holding guns. Children are supposed to be innocent and seeing them hold guns is disturbing to me.  

Adolescent Peer Groups

In class the other day we watched two films “Are You Popular” and “How To Be Popular”. These films were about adolescent peer groups and how to be popular within your peer group. These films were funny, especially “Are you Popular”, because it was made in 1947 and it had different values than today, but never the less it still was relevant for today’s peer groups. “How To Be Popular” was a little naive, but I think it is really related to today’s peer groups, as well. These films seemed silly and funny to me, but still related to how important peer groups are to adolescents. It wasn’t too long ago that I was in middle school and high school and went through these adolescent experiences. Being left out, wearing the right things, being or not being invited to parties, having the “right” friends was very important to me. You feel very isolated if you are not in a peer group and feel very alone. Parents and teachers need to understand that adolescent peer groups are very important to teenagers and part of them growing up. They are at school more than they are at home, so teenager’s peer groups become more important to them and influence them more than their families. If you are not included in a peer group school can be incredibly lonely. Unfortunately this is a fade that teenagers go through, as my mom use to say all the time “growing up is hard”.



These pictures are of my friends and I. Some of these friends were not my friends at some point in my life, because of adolescent arguments.

This is a picture of my graduating class, that I grew up with from grades 6-12. These are the people I had to try to fit in with through my adlescent years.



Gender Differences

In class the other day we discussed how parents treat girls and boys differently and how families try to keep girls closer to home than boy. Also how girls are taught values of modesty, chastity and making oneself useful in the community. As discussed in class, I think this is because girls get pregnant and boys do not. When a young woman gets pregnant this affects the whole family. It is a burden on the whole family, not just the young woman. If a young man gets a woman pregnant it does not affect him as much. He is not as obligated to take responsibility for the baby. When a young man has a baby it does not affect his whole family as much as it would for a young woman. When a young woman has a baby they are more likely to live with her family. The woman’s family is more likely to take more responsibility on caring for the baby, and also teaching the young woman how to take care on a little baby. I think this is why parents treat girls differently than boys, simply because of biological reasons. Not because parents do not trust girls less than boys. I think this is an unfortunate truth, as I think, girls and boys should be treated the same, but unfortunately biologically this may not be possible.

Infant Care

In today’s society the way we care for infants is very different than in the past. There is more technology that you have to do or buy to be a good parent. There are baby monitors that are very high tech, and many expensive accessories that you can buy your child. There are many views on how to raise a child. The historical manual I found, “The Canadian Mother and Child Manual” published in 1940 by Einest Coutre was about bathing babies. The link to the manual is:http://www.archives.gov.on.ca/english/on-line-exhibits/health-promotion/big/big_23_canadian-mother-inside.aspx Coutre was very strict about how to bath babies, where today we use more of our common sense about how to bath babies. There are many manuals and “how to guides” to care for infants but what one is right? The “right practises” change over time in our society. In my sociology 332 class we are learning about Durkheim’s theories and he states that “social facts or norms” change over time. What is view right in one point in time is now viewed wrong now. Like for instance wet nursing. Wet nursing was viewed normal back in the 18^th-19^th, but now it is viewed weird.        

Is Having Children a Personal Choice?

In our textbook “A History of Childhood” Heywood states that people may have children to feel closer to their partner, assure the family succession, provide pleasurable company, and children would take care of their parents when they are older. In my Sociology 332 class we discussed if having children is a personal choice in Canada or not. The class thought it was, because in Canada we have more freedom. People can decide how many children they want they can have 1 or 18 kids it is up to them, as the government will not say anything. Women do not even need a man to have children anymore, as they can have in vitro, surrogate mothers or adopt, but my sociology teacher disagreed saying that it is not our personal choice to have children. In North America the average person will have only 1 or 2 children, most likely because of financial reasons and that is the norm in our society, just like having more kids in the preindustrial society to work and make money was the norm then. Children are not an economic assess anymore they are now an economic burden. Are we tricked into thinking that we have a choice on how many kids we want? Many people may first want 6 kids then once then start having children that number decreases, because it is a lot of work and money to raise children in our society. I am also in Sociology 371, which is Sociology of the Family and in that class we talked about how the role of the family is always changing. The role of children was to work and be an economical assess, but know it is to go to school and learn and parents have to raise them for adulthood.

Maternal Health

The other day in class we watched a film about maternal health called “Saving Haiti Mother’s”. It was about how giving birth in Haiti is dangerous and the morality rate for mothers is very high, even though it is not a concern in developed countries. I did not know this before, as it is not talked about very much. I know about the problem of Aids or orphan children in places like Haiti, but I did not know about the problem of maternal health before I watched with video. Having a global maternal health day, a fundraising competition, or an educational benefit are all things we can do to help these people and get people aware of the problem. It is a major concern as if mothers die than the older girls in the family have to take over the mothering role. Unfortunately people are not aware of this. The link: http://www.one.org/c/international/issue/951/?gclid=CJ6zpJq79asCFSOAgwodImqt3g gives more information about maternal health and the link: http://www.mamababyhaiti.org/donate/ is a website that gives information about how to donate to maternal health.

Outliers

The Malcolm Gladwell clip we watched in class the other was very interesting to me. I liked his view on hard work and success and that you have to practise to succeed. I know the saying is “practise makes perfect” but I do not think this is enforce in children today. I think if it is too hard or challenging for a child they give up. Gladwell stated that “talent is the desire to practise”. A skill is not perfected without practise and I think this is an important value that we need to instil in children today.

Depravity/Innocence Continuum

I think my parents, teachers, and coaches saw me on the “depravity/innocence continuum” as somewhere in the middle. They did not treat me as a criminal nor did they treat me as a baby. I think they all tried to treat me like my age and abilities. They treated me with respect if I treated them with respect. If I acted mature and responsible than they treated me like that, but if I misbehaved then I got disciplined accordingly. I think they saw me this way, because it taught me respect, responsibility and prepared me to become a functioning adult. I think all adults should try to treat their children this way, as I think it does help them develop respect and responsibility. Parents should treat their children according to their age and maturity level. If a child is special needs then that parent should treat them according to their maturity level not their age level.    

"Evil Child"

In class today we were asked to think of an “evil child” from a movie or T.V. clip. When we were first asked this I thought of horror films, where the child is corrupted, but other people in the class thought of movies that children were not necessarily evil, but mischievous in an innocent kind of way. The movies “Dennis the Menace” and “The Little Rascals” were very interesting examples of this. The little boys in the movies were all energetic, and curious. They got into trouble, as they were doing things they shouldn’t be doing, but not because they were "evil" but because they didn't know any better. This is the “kids will be kids” kind of notion. In both of the movies the boys’ parents are not really involved and they are able to do whatever they want, but they get in trouble by other adults. In these movies the children are viewed as bothersome to the adults. Maybe this is why children are seen as “evil”, but I think children need guidance and in these movies the children did not have that, which caused them to be annoying or “evil” to other adults.

``Dennis the Menace Trailer``

``The Little Rascals`` movie clip  

Hyper Parents and Coddled Kids

The video “Hyper Parents and Coddled Kids” was very interesting to me, because I do see this occurring in our society. I do not see it to the extent that it was shown in the video, but I do see it occur a little bit in my hometown. With my own childhood, I think my parents would do anything for me and my siblings, but on the other hand they did not spoil us. They put us into structured activities to help us learn respect, responsibility, commitment, and independence, but they did not put us into activities to help “build our resume”. I think some parents are too worried about competing against other families and having the “perfect child” that they do not teach important values, such as respect, responsibility, commitment and independence and they end up spoiling them. Parents want the best for their children. They want their children to have what they didn’t have. The Baby Boomer generation didn’t have the opportunities that their children could have. Baby Boomers decided to have fewer children than their parents, and mother’s started working, which gave them the opportunity to give their children what they didn’t have. Wanting to give their children more opportunity leaded to pressuring, and spoiling their children and the concept of the “hyper parent”.

Social Investment and Children

In class today we were asked to discuss how in our experience how have children been impacted by government cut backs in social programs such as housing, education, health care, social and family services, recreation and culture.

When something is cut out then of course it is going to lead to a change. In cutting back public housing, education, health care, social and family services, recreation and culture children’s life is going to be impacted. I think the big social program that children are impacted by if the government makes cut backs are education.  If teachers are laid off then students are put into larger size classrooms, which means that children are not able to get one on one help and have the best learning experience. When teachers are laid off the special education teacher are being laid off too, which means that the children that need one on one attention are being integrated into regular, larger classrooms. Children with special needs are not getting the special attention they need to grow and thrive. The government needs to recognize this before these children are adults and do not have any standard living skills that they should learn in school. The main reason for school is to prepare children for life this includes children of all abilities. If children with disabilities are not taught life skill then when they are done school they will be on the street, then the government will have another problem.  Recreation is another big impact on children if the government cuts back on it. If there are cut backs on recreation then parents have to come up with the money, which some families cannot afford paying for all the recreation activities that their children want to participate in. Thus the child ends up not being in recreational activities, which could lead to obesity. Then the government has another problem with several young children being obese and having health problems. If the government cuts back health care then the obese, unhealthy children cannot see a doctor and get the help they need. It is a vicious circle. If something is cut back then there are going to be many more problems that arise. Therefore I think welfare state liberalism is the best way to go. I understand that most governments are neoliberalism, because it is less expensive, but cutting back important social programs impacts the people of their country.  

Family and Poverty

The decision question is class the other day was if someone said to you “It’s too bad when families are poor but if they get off their butts they wouldn’t be in that situation. They got themselves into it they can get themselves out of it!” What would you say to this person?

After discussing it with the class we came up with many ideas of what we could say to that person. We said it depends on the situation, don’t make assumptions about the family, it can depend on the economy that the family is in poverty, you shouldn’t stereotype, some people have different priorities and people may have a lack of education on how to handle their finances.   

I think there are many reasons why people are in poverty, so it is not right to judge them. I think public housing is a great thing in Canada because it helps families that are trying to get out of poverty a chance. Like in the film “Farewell Oak Street” these families were working hard, but they just didn`t have the resources to get out of that situation, so public housing helps them so they can get out of that situation. I think it all depends on the situation that the family is in poverty. Someone could be born into that situation and it is very hard to get out of that situation and transition into middle class. The economy also has to do with people being in poverty, which also is a situational circumstance. If the economy is bad than it is not necessarily that person`s fault that they are not doing well financially. People also have different priorities some people don`t think it is very important that their house, car and other items are not paid for. This could also be from a lack of education. They may not know the value of money and waste their money. My parents taught me the value of money but some people do not get taught that valuable skill. My parents also taught me that if you want something you should save up for it, not just get a loan, as you may not be able to pay back the loans. It is important to not make assumptions and not to stereotype, because you never know what their situational circunstance is. Some people may think public housing is not a good thing, as tax payers in Canada would have to pay for some of it, but I think that it is better than having young families on the street and living in poor conditions.        

Children and Work

I started worked during the summer when I was 15. Then I had a job during the school year when I was 17. I did not work long hours. I only worked 4 hours every Wednesdays and 5 and half hours every other Saturday. I worked at the local public library. I put away books, and checked in and out books. It was a great job I really enjoyed the people I worked with and the environment I worked in. I worked during school to have a little bit of spending money. I didn’t really need to work when I was in school, but the hours where great, the schedule was flexible, I worked with nice people, so I decided why not. I think working while still in school is not always a good thing, because sometimes children work too much and that distracts them from their school work. Some of my friends worked after school from 10-11 at night. They had no time for homework and were extremely tired during school. I think school needs to be a priority when you are in school and their parents should be supportive of that. I do understand that some children and teens need to work, because of their family situation. I thought it was interesting that the article ``Child Labor and Education`` came up with different options for helping children combine work and school more easily by having more flexible hours for students work schedule, and having course content more relevant to the lives of working children. This made me think of scheduling at a college or university level. Some college or university student’s work and work around their school schedule. I think maybe with children having to work so young it is taking away from their childhood and there education. I do think work does help teach children responsibly, but school does that also, as they have to learn to get their homework done on time and study for a test coming up. The purpose for school is to get children ready for their future life, which would hopefully be some type of job, so schooling should improve their work ethic and should help them be a well-rounded human being.

Children and Advertising

Advertising is still very much geared to children and teens today. They are not as gender stereotyped as they were in the 1950-1970’s, but they still have commercials and products that are geared to a specific gender, because we still have those gender roles. There now are both boys and girls in the commercial rather than just boys talking, but that is how it was in the 1950-1970`s. Advertising impacted my own childhood, as they were catchy and I always wanted the latest thing I saw on T.V. I remember when Christmas was coming up there was several commercials that advertised to me like dolls and other toys. I remember asking my parents for the toy I just saw. I also remember seeing McDonald commercials wanting to go there to get the latest toy that come with the “Happy Meal”. I think peer pressure still influences me on what things I want to buy. I still want to fit in and have the latest thing my friends have, but on the other hand it is not as big of a deal if I cannot get it. I do not pay a lot of attention to advertising but I do want the same things my peers have. For example all my friends have I-phones and I really want one, but I can’t afford one right now. I don’t need an I-phone but I want one because it is the latest thing and everyone else has one. I think that maybe the biggest influence on what kids want is from peer pressure and fitting in with their friends, as every child wants to fit in and if they have the same products their friends have they will feel like they fit in and belong.  

My Childhood Event

In class today we were asked to think of a key event that has shaped who we’ve become. This was a very hard question for me, because it is hard to think of one event that shaped who I am. I kept thinking of my family situation that is different from everyone else’s so that shaped who I am and I identify with that, which is my older brother, Eric is autistic. This really has shaped who I am, but I grew with is all my life, so I tried to think of a specific event that kind of showed how this shaped me as a person, so here is my story:

Since, my older brother, Eric is autistic it was hard to have friends over, because they didn’t understand why Eric acted the way he did, but I still wanted and tried to have friends over. I remember one day my mom was driving Eric, my sister, Jill, my friend and I somewhere and Eric started to talk to my friend about a T.V. show he liked, but she didn’t know how to respond to Eric, so I tried to relate it to something that my friend liked. Later that night my mom said she was proud of me because I related “Eric’s world” to “our world”. At the time my parents were having problems with Eric’s aid and she said that is what Eric’s aids should do and she was so proud of me because I could do it and I was only 10. I was so happy that my mom said this I actually wanted to be Eric’s aid, because I thought I was so good. I think my family situation shaped who I am immensely and influenced me to want to be a special needs teacher.           

Looking at this as a “historical document” and thinking if I told this story as a 10 year old I think it would be told obviously a little differently. When I was 10 I wanted to fit in, I didn’t want to be different than my friends. Now that I am older I accepted that every family is different and every family has their own challenges to overcome as a family. I think I remember this event so vitally because my mom said she was proud of me and that meant a lot to me.   

A picture of my Brother, Eric, my sister Jill and I



Shyness

I thought the film “Shyness” that we watched in class the other day was very interesting. Even though it was very out dated, it made me think of reasons why children are shy. It also made me think of myself as I was a very shy, quiet child and when I was in grade 4 my parents put me in drama class after school as my teacher thought it would help me speak out more in class and be more outgoing. I really enjoyed drama class but I did not help me be more talkative in class. I think this is because some kids are intimidated in a classroom setting. I think I was too afraid to be judge and wrong in front of my peers and my teacher. When I was in drama class I wasn’t afraid to be wrong because it was a fun, safe, judge free setting. I think some teachers do not provide a save setting were children won’t be judged, so they are afraid to speak out in class. In the film “Shyness” Anna was seen as there was something wrong with her because she was shy and insecure. They also blamed her mother for her insecurities because her mom was very strict on Anna. I think on to some level this is true, because Anna didn’t want to disappoint her mother so she shied away from things. In the instance of cousin Francize being too shy that there must be something wrong with her is ridiculous. I do think that sometimes shyness may hinder people from many opportunities but it does not hinder people from having a completely normal life. Shyness is normal everyone has probably felt shy sometime in their life. Some people are just shier than others but this does not mean that they cannot experience and do the same things than a very outgoing person.       

Overdose

We watched a little clip call “Overdose” in class. It was about a family who put their child in a lot of extracurricular activities and wanted the best for their child, but the child was exhausted and did not look like he enjoyed anything he was doing. I think many families in our society are like this today. Parents want the best for their child and want them to experience everything they can, but if the child does not enjoy the activities it is not worth the time and money. I think it is great if kids are able to experience all the activities that are out there, but then the child should decide what they like to do and the parents should support that decision. When the child in young they should be able to experience several activities so they can decide what they like or do not like, but once the child is older they should go in less activities, as they start to figure out what they really enjoy.  

How much children should be listened to

We were asked in class to answer the questions how much do you observe children being listened to today? And how much should they be listened to? I decided I would elaborate on this idea more in my blog.

I think it depends on the family and their situation on how much the parents listen to their children. If the family is well off then the child may get everything they ask for. Even though the parents are listening to the child, as to what they want this is not necessarily what is best for them, so in this case children should not be listened to all the time. I think in today`s society child may be listened to too much if they get everything they want, because the parents are too busy with other things like work. Before mothers started to work outside the family children may have been listened to in the way they feel a lot more because their mom was always there to listen and care for them, that was the mother’s job. My mom was a stay at home mom and I feel I was listened to, but probably because she was always there to listen to me and support me. She was not away working so I was able to talk to her whenever I wanted. If I wanted to talk to her during school I could just phone her at home, where other kids couldn’t phone their parents because they were at work. On the other hand I was not given every little thing I wanted, where children with two income families may have been. A parent needs to listen to the child`s thoughts and feelings. They need to let them be creative and their individual self, but not spoil them. A parent should also care and show the child respect by listening to the child. The parent needs to listen to the child and the child needs to listen to the parent.